Notes: Picture of Dorian Gray

by Oscar Wilde.

Picked it up and read it to see if it was appropriate for Em (my 10 year old). It's not. It's hyper-cynical, jaded and a bit dangerous, and I don't want her to be exposed to it this early. Even though she's read Shakespeare's tragedies and comedies.

But Wilde is king of the epigram.

• The terror of society, which is the basis of morals, the terror of God, which is the secret of religion--these are the two things that govern us. 
• The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it. 
• It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. 
• Like all people who try to exhaust a subject, he exhausted his listeners. 
• I can sympathise with everything, except suffering. 
• That is one of the great secrets of life. Nowadays most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that the only things one never regrets are one's mistakes. 
• He was always late on principle, his principle being that punctuality is the thief of time. 
• Nowadays people know the price of everything, and the value of nothing. 
• about the search for beauty being the real secret of life. 
• When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving one's self, and one always ends by deceiving others. 
• He says things that annoy me. He gives me good advice. People are very fond of giving away what they need most. 
• The real drawback to marriage is that it makes unselfish. And unselfish people are colourless. They lack individuality.
• A cigarette is the perfect type of the perfect pleasure. It is exquisite and it leaves one unsatisfied. 
• I love acting. It is so much more real than life.
• (they are) old-fashioned people and did not realise that we live in an age when unnecessary things are our only necessities. 
• One can always be kind to people about whom one cares nothing. 
• The one charm of the past is that it is the past.
• The past could always be annihilated. Regret, denial, or forgetfulness could do that. But the future was inevitable. 
• Society, civilised society at least ... it feels instinctively that manners are of more importance than morals. 
• Is insincerity such a terrible thing? I think not. It is merely a method by which we can multiply our personalities. 
• I love scandals about other people, but scandals about myself don't interest me. They have not got the charm of novelty. 
• The husbands of very beautiful women belong to the criminal classes.
• When a women marries again it is because she detested her first husband. When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife. 
• Moderation is a fatal thing. 
• The tragedy of old age is not that one is old, but that one is young.

Notes: Five Love Languages

by G. Chapman. 

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

• People speak different love languages.
• We must be willing to learn our spouse's primary love language (LL) if we are to be effective communicators. 
• Five ways people speak and understand emotional love. 
• Seldom do a husband and wife have the same primary LL. 
• Keep "Love Tank" full. Emotional tank. Inside every child an emotional tank waiting to be filled.
• Falling in Love. Bad info that "in love" obsession would last forever. Lasts an average 2 years. Is not real love. 
• Real love: emotional but not obsessional. An act of will, requires discipline, recognizes the need for personal growth. 
• Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another. True love cannot begin until the "in love" experience has run its course. 
• LL#1: Statements of affirmation. Verbal compliments. The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love. Also, encouraging words, which "inspire courage."
• Kind words. Tone of voice. 
• When wronged, I have the option of justice or forgiveness. Forgiveness is the way of love. 
• Many individuals mess up every new day with yesterday. They insist on bringing into today the failures of yesterday, and in so doing, they pollute a potentially wonderful day. We cannot erase the past, but we can accept it as history. We can choose to live today free from the failures of yesterday. Forgiveness is not a a feeling; it's a commitment. Forgiveness is an expression of love. 
• Humble words. Love makes requests, not demands. Within LL#1, many dialects. 
• LL#2: Quality Time. Giving someone your undivided attention. QT is togetherness, not just proximity. It's focused attention. Dialect -- quality conversation. Words of affirmation focuses on what we are saying, quality conversation on what we are hearing. 
• We are trained to analyze problems and create solutions. Marriage is a relationship, not a project to be completed or a problem to solve. 
• Art of listening. a. Maintain eye contact when your spouse is talking. b. Don't listen and do something else at the same time. c. Listen for feelings. d. Observe body language. e. Refuse to interrupt. 
• Learning to talk. Quality conversation requires not only sympathetic listening but also self-revelation. Reveal feelings. 
• Two personalities. 1. Babbling Brook - non-stop Talker; 2. Dead Sea - silent. 
• Daily sharing. Three things that happen to you and how you feel about them. 
• Quality activities. Expresses love by being together. 
• LL#3: Receiving Gifts. Physical presence in the time of crisis is the most powerful gift. All five LL challenges us to give to our spouse. 
• LL#4: Acts of Service. Express love by doing things for her. Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love. Love is a choice and cannot be coerced. People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need. Criticism often needs clarification. 
• LL#5: Physical Touch. Tip: greet her when she comes home, one step closer than usual. 
• Discovering my own LL. 1. What makes you feel most loved? or Negative use of LL. What hurts you deeply? 2. What have I most often request of my spouse? 3. What I do or say to express love. 
• Your picture of a perfect mate should give you an idea of your primary LL. 
• Love is a choice. Falling in love not a choice. Lasts less than 2 years. Meeting my wife's need for love is a choice I make each day. Almost never do two people fall in love on the same day, and almost never do they fall out of love on the same day. 
• When an action doesn't come naturally, it's a greater expression of love. Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself. 
• Love the unlovely. Anger held inside becomes hate. "Love your enemies. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Give, and it will be given to you." -- J. Christ. 
• Children and LL. Almost all sexual misconduct in adolescents is rooted in an empty emotional love tank. Observe your children. Watch how they express love to others. Note the request they make. Each child is different. 
• Take the profile test at Fivelovelanguages.com.